I usually write a post for easter, one of my favourite times of the year. (after christmas and chinese new year) but this year, easter was so different. (yes i said it before and i’ll say it again) Good Friday marked the end of the first week of the circuit breaker in Singapore. My family? We were just surviving. I was frustrated, annoyed and it was hard to celebrate.
My prayer requests last week was largely around being patient at home, I really needed help. Being at home all the time also didn’t help my overthinking tendencies. I hate the way my mind can wander. I felt worried, anxious and sad at my own sin 😦 I tried to get out of the house as much as I could – but yknow you can’t really escape yourself haha
Anyway week 1 was basically. very sad.
The last week gave me no choice but to turn to God for help, committing my struggles to him. This second week of lockdown, was physically no different from last week – same space, same people. But somehow it was much easier, I got the chance to talk to my siblings more, working on a project with Louisa that looks promising. I learnt how to better deal with conflict with my mum which mostly consists of keeping my mouth shut and retreating to my room if I can’t. It’s still hard to keep snide remarks in though, but really a good training in patience and perseverance.
On Wednesday, Sarah, Lynette and I started a new bible study on zoom. (long story how this came about but all in God’s timing) I think this is definitely one of the blessings of this circuit breaker, being able to spend quality time with people over zoom. We’re looking at Romans and for the first session we did an overview of Romans 1-8 and tried to understand the big idea Paul was getting at. We found certain themes like the law and grace working hand to hand through Christ and his work on the cross (the gospel) and how that changes our lives 180* – even today. Even in our sin, we can be reconciled with God, we can serve him if we have faith in Jesus. Such a simple truth that I forget so easily.
Just the night before, I was telling Wesley how I feel so hypocritical – to proclaim to be a follower of Christ but yet struggle to love my loved ones. It was so troubling and all I could do was pray about it.
In a way, God heard me, and as we read Romans 8, I was reminded that it’s not my obedience to Christ that has saved me. It is faith in Jesus, that despite our sin, his death has saved me. I’m not sure why but I tend to forget this simple truth easily. Maybe i’m just so used to working for things, if I don’t do anything why should I receive something?
There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.
Romans 8:1-3
All I can say is that God hears. Cry if you must, lament if you must, He is listening. Hang in there!
joelleats 